i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
