Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
