but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
