Your mouth is God's brothel.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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