we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
