Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
