I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
In America we eat man semen.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize