Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
