don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
