and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
