Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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