I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize
