Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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