If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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