we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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