i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
