My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
