Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
