OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
