In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Randomize
