he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
