goodnight i made you a song goodbye
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I came so hard my ears popped.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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