Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
