ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
