he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
