she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
