my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
