brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
