girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
