i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
