remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Randomize
