So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
did you just send me my own nude
Sext me about skeletons
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
