Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
