if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
