I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
