No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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