I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
