Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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