I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
