I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
