38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
