did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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