So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
