wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
