I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
fuck your aforementioned shoe
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
