i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize