Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
