You really coming over, don't trick.
another moral hangover. fuck.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
