Rock
Scissors
Fuck
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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