At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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