Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
