as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
