Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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