he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
he fucked my hip out of place.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
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