Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
