are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Randomize
