If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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