so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
