I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
how do flat chested girls get laid?
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
