My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
