Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Randomize
