I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I have tasted many bathrooms
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
