Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
