Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
last night I used snow as a chaser
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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