I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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