SEEEEXXX PLEASE
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize