I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
