no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
