He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
