Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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