We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
