I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
